Keep Them Coming: Deck the balls
Keep Them Coming with Kristen Thomas. // Photo by Nicole Bissey
Say “CBT” around therapists, and you might start discussing a treatment approach based on the theories of Albert Ellis and Pavlov. Say “CBT” to a kinkster, and we’re having an entirely different conversation about cock and ball torture.
CBT has as much variety as a holiday cookie platter. At its core, CBT typically has a person who likes to receive pain and teasing (a masochist) as the bottom, while the top (a sadist) inflicts pain and pleasure to the bottom’s genitals. CBT is considered on the more extreme side of the spectrum of BDSM.
A man who’s been practicing for around a decade, who would like to be called “subbie” for this interview, said his practice involves “everything from impact play and chastity, to pegging and forced bi—probably way too many to list. I have an extensive collection of gear.”
CBT can involve intense pain, but it can also include intense teasing and tension building. Goddess_Heathen, a professional ball-buster, said it’s about inflicting a good amount of pain, then bringing in “nice touches, or petting, or using the Hitachi Wand on the head of the penis.” She gives small breaks in between to make the bottom wonder what’s coming next. Controlling the cycle of pain, anticipation, and pleasure is often part of the erotic power exchange between the top and bottom.
Goddess_Heathen has been in the kink world (aka “in the lifestyle”) for 25 years. She got started with cock and ball torture when a friend brought it up. Off and on for the last 12 years, men have sought her out to receive the pleasure and pain experience.
“I get control and power over someone else,” Goddess_Heathen says. “It’s exhilarating! It’s fun to see what I can do with simple items and play around. It’s a creative outlet. You’re not out to harm. You’re not out to explode testicles. You’re into pushing the limits—how far can you take them?”
When asked why a person with a penis might like this, she says, “I believe it has a lot to do with the pushing of limits and boundaries. The need for being subservient—to please your dominant in this fashion is a blissful feeling.”
For subbie, he says, “There is not just the power exchange part, but also taking that pain for them, showing your devotion to them by taking it for them, pushing yourself to take more. But also you have to enjoy [it]. Just like with most BDSM, the pain from CBT gives you an adrenaline rush.”
Letting a new partner in on a kink, CBT or otherwise, can be intimidating but worth it. If you’re ready to discuss your desires and fantasies about cock and ball torture with your partner, be brief yet direct, then give them a chance to process and ask questions.
“Research what you’re doing,” Goddess_Heathen says. “Know what the body does to a certain degree. Know yourself, like if you bruise easily or you have a low pain tolerance. Don’t jump from porn right into a scene.”
“Don’t rush into anything,” subbie says. “Do your research and educate yourself before playing because you could hurt someone with some of these things or hurt yourself.”
If you or your partner want to learn more, you can turn to a professional sexologist, in person or online, find your local kink groups on FetLife.com, or go to a party or dungeon to observe. Working with a Dominatrix or experienced top is an option if your partner is not interested in participating or is not confident enough to top yet.
A Dominatrix will likely want to meet a few times before torture time begins; therefore, it’s perfectly normal for you and your partner to talk about what a CBT scene could be like multiple times before you try anything physical.
“You have to take the time to get to know them, just like any other relationship. You can’t just go full-on right off the bat. You are giving them the power to destroy you, so to speak,” says subbie.
There are countless ways to inflict pain on a cock or a testicle: poking, caging, scratching, whipping, trampling, and electrocution, just to name a few. If you’re just getting started, you don’t have to buy a thing—you have hands! Plus, you’d be surprised how many accessories and kitchen utensils you own that serve as perfect torture devices.
Goddess_Heathen suggests rubber bands, hair ties, 100% cotton clothesline, smaller wooden spoons, chip bag clips, and wooden clothes pins. subbie agrees that the wooden clothes pins are good for beginners until you can handle the more intense plastic version, as plastic will stick to the skin.
Electrostimulation, urethral sounding, ball-busting, weighting/stretching, and chastity cages are more involved, with each practice having its own safety measures.
“One of my favorites is the ball crusher,” Goddess_Heathen says. “It’s like plexiglass with clamps on the corners. You can also get it with electrodes.”
Etsy has over 1000 items for sale for CBT, including a plethora of plexiglass ball crushers. There are some truly creatively depraved makers out there. There are even PDFs you can download from Dominatrixes with step-by-step scene instructions.
For obvious reasons, safety is paramount for cock and ball torture. Only about 50 pounds of force are needed to rupture a testicle, and yes, the penis can break. An adult’s hand strength averages from 44 to 72 pounds. The skin is also thinner and more delicate than most areas of the body and can be more prone to fine cuts, bruising, and scratches. Sensations of all kinds are enhanced.
Be mindful of blood flow. Never bind too tight or leave it in place for too long. If anything is turning purple, remove the binding immediately. Keep EMT scissors on hand for any bondage practice.
When you’re ready, subbie suggests you “find like-minded people to connect with and learn from. Most importantly, trust your gut—if something doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not. Always remember ‘Safe, Sane, & Consensual.’”
You can find Kristen @OpenTheDoorsKC on Instagram or openthedoorscoaching.com
